OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Randomize