Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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