if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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