Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
