..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
