So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
