youre lurking in front of me
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
