i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize
