dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
