Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
