If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
did i just pee glitter
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
