dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
