so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I fill condoms, not promises.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
