I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
