The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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