Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
