our cab driver is having phone sex.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
