mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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