you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
