my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Randomize
