it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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