Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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