My first STD was from a foam party
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
When did angry sex become our thing?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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