he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Well I just put wine in my tea
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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