I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
