Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Randomize
