Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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