The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
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