My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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