Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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