I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Say something about gay babies.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Randomize
