Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
