he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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