I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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