How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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