Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
So here I am, sexting at work.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
