He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
