note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
