Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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