The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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