This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
