have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
