before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Michael Bay diarrhea
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
