Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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