He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
