I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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