i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
