Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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