Im at strip club and am horny
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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