Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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