I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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